Should Children Always Obey Their Parents?

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As a follow-up to my previous article titled "7 Reasons Why Children Should Listen to Their Parents", I have decided to write about certain scenarios when the command for children to obey may be overridden. I'm not advocating for children rebelling against their parents because that's a clear violation of the command, but it's very easy to abuse authority when you simply quote the Bible without studying the proper context and thinking it through logically. Again, I believe that children should obey their parents, but I would like to talk about the exceptions and other possible scenarios when children don't have to obey their parents. Please do not misunderstand.

The reason why I wanted to write this article was because it has come to my attention that there are cases when it might be confusing for children on what to do. This is also to remind parents that, just as much as the LORD has given a command for children, He also gave a corollary command addressing the parents. I'm referring to Ephesians 6:4, in which God commands fathers, and thereby both parents, not to exasperate their children. The Greek word used is parorgizete which can also be translated as pushing children to anger or provoking their anger. And we know that the Bible tells us that "in our anger, do not sin". Therefore, the primary purpose for the command to parents is to protect the children, so that they do not commit a sin in anger and also, so that they do not breed resentment or contempt for their parents.

We know that parents should have the moral high ground, in the sense that they should be Biblical models for their children. I have heard stories of parents telling their children to buy cigarettes or liquor from the store, and though this may be minor, it instills wrong values or morals to the children. Even though they are only being told what to do, and they are simply obeying, it sets a very bad precedent on the kind of life they should be living. Basically, these parents are setting a bad example. There are even worse cases wherein children are being told by their parents to commit illegal acts such as stealing or cheating. I remember this movie called The Emperor's Club in which one of the main characters had been taught by his father to do whatever it takes to get ahead - a Machiavellian "ends justifies the means" mentality. At the end of the movie, that way of life comes back to bite him and he loses all respect from his own child for the dishonest acts he committed.

It is in those cases when parents are telling their children to break the moral law of God that it is justified to not follow the command. It may be an obvious truth, but I think many people simply neglect or miscontextualize the verse by thinking that since they are the parent, then they must be definitively and unequivocally obeyed by their children no matter what the case. That is not true. The law of God still operates in all instances, and if they lead their children astray, they will face the consequences of those actions. That's what Proverbs 22:6 actually points out. When it says to train up a child in the way he should go, then he will not depart from it, what it means is that the way that you bring up your child will be the way they will live their life from that point on. It's hard to break habits, and surely, habits created during a child's formative years or as long as they are under their parents' authority will be brought by them to adulthood.

Going back to the question, should children always obey their parents? The quick answer is yes, with exceptions. And those exceptions are when the parents' commands are against Biblical teaching. This applies generally for juvenile children or those still under the care of their parents. When they become adults, things become a bit different. At that point, I believe the command as it is written in Exodus 20 applies which is to honor your parents. Honoring does mean obeying at times, or listening at times, but that doesn't mean that you have to always do what your parents say. You can talk it out with them especially if it's not about a moral issue. If it's a non-issue or a neutral issue that doesn't concern a person's spiritual condition or status, such as what kind of butter to buy at the supermarket or anything trivial like that, then parents should allow their adult children to make their own decisions. They can give advice when asked, since unsolicited advice might also bring a bit of annoyance to their children.

Hopefully, this would clarify my position a little bit more. As a child myself, there are times when I disagree with my parents and I think that's fine. The key thing is communication and patience because at the end of the day, you have nobody else but your family.