I'm Not Perfect!

Many times I would have to mentally scold myself when I don't do things perfectly and sulk about it. In many instances as well, I would have to stop comparing myself to others. This is one of the struggles I go through every day and I recognize that this is not something new for me.

When I was younger, I got irritated when outcomes weren't up to par with my expectations, when they weren't perfect the way that I saw how it should go. I usually set the bar high for myself, but not only that, I also extended this expectation of such standard toward others. When I let people down, I sulked in self-pity and sometimes I still do which I constantly have to submit to God because it is detrimental to me and to others as well.

I admit that I'm not perfect, nobody is but when we compare ourselves with others or when we become so obsessed with having everything to go our way, the way which we think is the best, then we will be going on a downward spiral of condemnation, regret, and depression. This is not to say that striving for excellence is wrong rather we should aim for perfection in all our endeavors, the Bible even says so in 2 Cor. 13:11.

However, this passage of exhortation should not be taken in the sense that we expect nothing to go wrong or that we will live perfect lives and be perfect in everything we do. Rather the focus of this exhortation is the pursuit. I recently heard a sermon by Matt Chandler titled "A Beautiful Design" and this concept stuck out for me and I took hold of it. Here's a link to the video series of the sermon (credits to The Village Church YT channel): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z179Ml3tPZs

What he was basically talking about in that one particular part of the message was that God knows that there will be hiccups in our walk with Him. We will stumble and fall, no doubt about that, nobody has been perfected at conversion, rather we are working our way toward it. What matters most, and I believe this to be central in my faith, is the heart. God looks at the heart, not necessarily the results or the works.

So this dilemma that I'm having, this heart issue that I have, is something that I have to continually submit to God because the feelings and the thoughts that come with an inclination to always want to be perfect can harm my emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual life. But not only that, it can also be a hindrance in my relationship with other people and with God.

Matt Chandler will actually be talking about this in the course of the video series and you will find out the root cause of this proclivity toward wanting to be perfect at all costs, at all times. He actually mentions it as being one of women's hurdles. Not to say that men don't experience this rather women have the natural tendency toward it.

In my case, I found out and I'm no longer denying that I have the inclination to competitiveness and the wanting to be the best or to put it directly, to be better than everyone. It is a struggle I admit. That's why I have to continuously slap my mind when those thoughts start rolling in. Thoughts of being inferior or incompetent. Feelings of self-pity and depression arising from the thoughts that I have when I compare myself with others.

This leads me back to the thought that nobody is perfect, everyone is uniquely created for a unique purpose and they are designed that way to fulfill such purpose. Nobody can tell someone else that he or she is absolutely better than others because each of us has a unique set of God-given characteristics that define our individuality and personality as separate and unique from others.

Moreover this also leads me back to the cross. Because it was on the cross that the only perfect person who ever lived and walked on the earth died for all the imperfect people of the world. His righteousness was given to those who were unrighteous, his perfection imputed upon those who were inherently imperfect.

These two thoughts are what I go back to or repeatedly have to remind myself of whenever I feel the condemnation of not being enough, not being right, not being the best, or of doing the worst. I have accepted the fact that I have been given characteristics that are different from others. But even if we are all different from one another, we do have worth and a reason to live.

Many people may be going through what I am struggling with and I just wanted to offer my perspective on this matter. These things are usually hidden from other people. Sometimes these feelings and thoughts could get a hold of someone so as to manifest through their actions or in how they interact and socialize.

I want to empathize with those who have beaten themselves up too much because they think they're not worth anything or that they think they've always done what was wrong in other people's sight, that they're not good enough for anyone. I feel you and it will be a long and difficult battle and we may have to struggle with it for the rest of our lives but I just wanted you to know that what matters most is the pursuit. God sees the heart. He sees our motives, our efforts to inwardly contain these thoughts and feelings. He understands the pain. Lean on to that thought instead. Lean to Him for strength. Have a blessed day!