Introspective Mode Again: Self-Discovery
Studio Ghibli films, especially their recent ones, never fail to turn on the waterworks for me. I just watched its last film, "When Marnie Was There," and it got me thinking again and trying to make sense of things. Though I do not want to talk about the film in this post, I will do that some other time when I have been able to grasp the message of the movie from every perspective. What I want to do is to go through the same process that Anna had gone through in the movie which was self-discovery or perhaps, an exposition of what I have found out and am finding out about myself.
Recently, it has come to my attention that some might think that my recent posts were very poignant to say the least and it might have come off different from what I intended it to be. I would like to consider myself a realist in the sense that I acknowledge both the good and the bad that happens. And I tend to take things in with such sobriety that others may not understand that I have already been able to accept things as they are even before they have happened. Yes, I have thought about the frailty of my own humanity and I have accepted the inevitable truth that someday I would pass away and so will everybody else which is why others will not usually witness me emotionally overwhelmed about anything even death because it no longer comes as a surprise.
Having said all that, I do not advocate apathy, quite the contrary. I find myself an extremely sentimental person albeit a very reticent one. I find it easier to contemplate in the quiet and peaceful moments when I am able to take a break from all the bustle. It is in these moments that I let myself take everything in and then to let it all out through whatever means necessary, mostly through excessive sobbing. After crying my heart out, I begin to accept the facts and move on with my life. This again happens a lot after I watch Studio Ghibli films. I don't try to change the ending of the story to fit my idea of a happy-ever-after but I find the beauty in the sincerity of the emotions and thoughts that have been brought forth before me and I appreciate the truth in them.
Some may think that taking a realist's point of view is no fun, that you might find yourself being more inclined to be "negative". I don't find that to be the case. My view on this is that we cannot begin to feel the fullness and excitement of joy without accepting and experiencing the depth of sorrow in the tragedies of life. My experiences in life have not been so tragic but I empathize with those who have. I feel their pain and I try to process and channel those emotions toward understanding so that we can make something good about them. They have it tough but I know that their experiences have made them stronger and I believe that whatever challenges we face in life are never more than what we can handle.
So I am a sentimental, empathetic realist. But I cannot say that this is the entirety for it only forms part of my identity. I can say that I am also an optimist. A realist-optimist, if there ever is such, but I can say that I am one and the other because of my faith in Christ. There is hope for those who believe that the realities of this life and the imperfections brought about by them would soon come to pass and there will no longer be sorrow or pain. Rather our joy will be complete. I know that the sufferings we face in this life will be no match for the eternal weight of glory that awaits but it is necessary that we be refined through the fire to remove all the impurities within. I believe in the complete sovereignty of God and I know both good and bad things come from Him but He works through these for my good and for His glory. It is in this that I put my trust in.
Going back to why I am writing this post in the first place, I find a lot in common with Anna, the main protagonist of the film. She is introverted and so am I. Being an introvert does not mean that we are antisocial people, it only means we get exhausted being with too many people after quite some time. But introverts like interactions too, we just have this mechanism inside us that alarms us if it's too much and our energy is getting drained so we need to recharge.
She is also asthmatic which I would say reinforces introversion because most of the time children socialize through physical activities but having asthma prevents one from engaging in such because it could trigger attacks. So you find it more difficult to interact and that usually results in turning inward and in that sense, I was like Anna for a significant part of my life. Because there are limits to her external capabilities, she then focuses on the internal. She is a very good sketch artist and quite perceptive. I can also relate with her on this but more on how she develops her creativity through drawing while I do so through writing.
Memories are the most important part of her story and I draw some of my inspiration from memories and the things I imagine and think about. Her life was a very poignant one and I felt her confusion and desperation to discover her identity and to accept herself. I empathize with her, knowing that these struggles in life are not easy to deal with at such a young age - she was 12. But in the end, I believe that her journey lead to healing and eventually peace and joy.
I cannot say that my life has always been happy but it has been filled with so many wonderful experiences that made me who I am today. Moving forward I guess I can say that I have found the secret to being content in all circumstances. Cheers!
Recently, it has come to my attention that some might think that my recent posts were very poignant to say the least and it might have come off different from what I intended it to be. I would like to consider myself a realist in the sense that I acknowledge both the good and the bad that happens. And I tend to take things in with such sobriety that others may not understand that I have already been able to accept things as they are even before they have happened. Yes, I have thought about the frailty of my own humanity and I have accepted the inevitable truth that someday I would pass away and so will everybody else which is why others will not usually witness me emotionally overwhelmed about anything even death because it no longer comes as a surprise.
Some may think that taking a realist's point of view is no fun, that you might find yourself being more inclined to be "negative". I don't find that to be the case. My view on this is that we cannot begin to feel the fullness and excitement of joy without accepting and experiencing the depth of sorrow in the tragedies of life. My experiences in life have not been so tragic but I empathize with those who have. I feel their pain and I try to process and channel those emotions toward understanding so that we can make something good about them. They have it tough but I know that their experiences have made them stronger and I believe that whatever challenges we face in life are never more than what we can handle.
So I am a sentimental, empathetic realist. But I cannot say that this is the entirety for it only forms part of my identity. I can say that I am also an optimist. A realist-optimist, if there ever is such, but I can say that I am one and the other because of my faith in Christ. There is hope for those who believe that the realities of this life and the imperfections brought about by them would soon come to pass and there will no longer be sorrow or pain. Rather our joy will be complete. I know that the sufferings we face in this life will be no match for the eternal weight of glory that awaits but it is necessary that we be refined through the fire to remove all the impurities within. I believe in the complete sovereignty of God and I know both good and bad things come from Him but He works through these for my good and for His glory. It is in this that I put my trust in.
She is also asthmatic which I would say reinforces introversion because most of the time children socialize through physical activities but having asthma prevents one from engaging in such because it could trigger attacks. So you find it more difficult to interact and that usually results in turning inward and in that sense, I was like Anna for a significant part of my life. Because there are limits to her external capabilities, she then focuses on the internal. She is a very good sketch artist and quite perceptive. I can also relate with her on this but more on how she develops her creativity through drawing while I do so through writing.
Memories are the most important part of her story and I draw some of my inspiration from memories and the things I imagine and think about. Her life was a very poignant one and I felt her confusion and desperation to discover her identity and to accept herself. I empathize with her, knowing that these struggles in life are not easy to deal with at such a young age - she was 12. But in the end, I believe that her journey lead to healing and eventually peace and joy.
I cannot say that my life has always been happy but it has been filled with so many wonderful experiences that made me who I am today. Moving forward I guess I can say that I have found the secret to being content in all circumstances. Cheers!
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