A-1 Pictures Wrecks Me Again, This Time the Right Way

I recently finished watching the anime Ano Hi Mita Hana no Namae wo Bokutachi wa Mada Shiranai, known simply as Anohana. I had heard about this anime from friends and read people's comments about it online so for the longest time, I had been putting off watching it because I did not feel mentally or emotionally prepared to take on such a behemoth. Until I did.

Warning: I will blurt out some spoilers here so if you're the type of person who doesn't want to be spoiled, stop reading from this point.

I read how people who watched this anime with such high expectations due to other people's hype of it ruined the experience for them. Understandably, when you already know what you're getting into, it preempts how you should be feeling about it as you watch the story unfold and admittedly, having a set outlook on how the story should be or how you should feel about it is just not enjoyable at all. Because you're going to find yourself disappointed and frustrated if you don't feel the way others felt, the way they propped up the anime to be.

In my case, I knew what the anime was about, at least I knew certain elements of the story. Otherwise, you might also complain about my ruining the experience for you. However, this post is primarily to process my thoughts and emotions about the show. I will not do an in-depth analysis or discussion of the show's themes, imagery, or symbolism.

My take on the story

I knew that the story was about a group of friends. I also knew that one of the friends in the group died when they were kids. I knew that it was a story about processing one's grief. I knew from what I read that it is one of the saddest anime out there. But that was the extent of my knowledge of Anohana. So, you can say that I was partially going in blind when I watched it.

I didn't want to set any expectations as I watched the show but it's unavoidable. I guess you can say I was anticipating the moment when the ball drops and the tears fall. Anohana has eleven episodes in total, and a movie that explored and elaborated on the main story from different characters' perspectives.

Some of my friends said they cried on each episode. Others didn't want to watch it again because of how heavy the feels were. I watched the first ten episodes, having only felt teary-eyed in a couple moments but never really shedding tears. Watching the story unfold felt heavy, suffocating, and frustrating, to be quite frank. You can't help but feel sad about the situation. I felt that too but it wasn't enough to elicit an outward emotional response. So, I didn't cry for the first ten episodes.

What broke me was the eleventh and final episode. And not even the whole episode, rather it was just the ending scene. I thought about it and I think it's because they brilliantly built up the story to reach its climactic final scene then executed it beautifully. The music, the direction, the voice acting were superb and the pace of it was just right.

During Menma's last moments with Jin-tan and the others, it suddenly hits you that these are the final moments they will ever have with each other. The goodbyes, the farewells, the last words they were never able to tell their friend Menma before she died - this was the last chance they had to tell her. This was Jin-tan's last chance to see and talk to Menma.

That's why it was heartbreaking when Jin-tan suddenly couldn't see Menma anymore. He was desperate. He knew that Menma was disappearing and for all he knew, Menma might have already disappeared when he couldn't see her anymore. So, he desperately sought her like you would look for a precious trinket you lost on your way back home, chasing after her through the forest not knowing whether he'll be able to see her again.

Finally, when dawn was breaking, they all but gave up. Seeing letters in Menma's handwriting left under a tree, they had resigned into thinking that Menma's wish had already been fulfilled and her ghost was no longer with them. My tears started flowing the moment they started reading those letters. The more they read them, reminisced, and perhaps regretted what they did or didn't do five years ago, the louder I bawled.

But that wasn't the end. Jin-tan had not given up on seeing Menma one last time. You can hear the anguish in the voice acting. He needed, they needed to see Menma one last time and as he so elegantly put it, if they can't find her in the game of hide-and-seek, the game will not end. They will be hopelessly searching for Menma for eternity without finding any absolution.

That being said, the search wasn't futile as finally, Menma responds to their call and is revealed to the rest of the Super Peace Busters.

I think everybody can understand or empathize what it would feel like to lose someone special without being able to say goodbye to them. When it's so sudden and you're caught by surprise, you're just left in shock. You can't believe it, you don't want to believe it because there's no way to bring them back. And that haunts you forever. Not being able to reconcile, or ask forgiveness, or thank someone properly before they are taken away from you, I think that would be the greatest regret anybody can have. It's a lifelong burden, it stays with you in the depths of your memory, in your soul, in your heart.

Each character in Anohana had that shard stuck in their soul. Menma's ghost appeared to Jin-tan not because of that though, the story revealed that Menma's purpose was to fulfill the wish of Jin-tan's mother who asked Menma a favor of making Jin-tan cry. But with the appearance of Menma, each character had to finally face the mirror and take a look at that splinter in their hearts. It's painful and each one tried their own way to cope with it. In the end, however, the only way to remedy it was to take out that splinter and patch the hole in their hearts. They had to face themselves, face their friends, and face their past and the memory of Menma they had on that day.

Last words

I did some searching about Anohana, particularly which studio produced and animated it. I found out that it was done by A-1 Pictures. This was the same studio that did Your Lie in April and Erased (Boku Dake ga Inai Machi). And as I have mentioned in a previous post, I couldn't get myself to have a normal cathartic moment after watching those two shows. I didn't cry, I couldn't cry despite my desire to actually cry for those shows. I was so frustrated about it. (Note: Also, this was written by Mari Okada who also wrote Maquia and O Maidens in Your Savage Season. I really like her story-telling.)

I'm not really sure if things will be different when I watch those two shows again. It has been four years since I first watched them. I have been avoiding watching them again ever since. But for me, Anohana has given me a tiny bit of hope like a light at the end of the tunnel. I want to experience those two shows in a similar way to how I experienced Anohana.

Maybe it wasn't the right time to watch them then, maybe I needed a little more space to grow and mature. Although thinking about it, most of the characters in these stories are either teenagers or pre-pubescent youth. Nonetheless, the stories that are told about them are beyond their years. These are amazing stories and I just hope I can continue enjoying them even into the future.