Opening Ourselves to Others: The Quest for Human Connection

Photo by Moon Bhuyan on Unsplash

Being vulnerable takes a lot of courage. We fear being judged, or being hurt when we take off all the embellishments in our life, and everything is laid bare. We fear that once we remove all of the pretense we show other people in order for them to like us, or at the very least, to not be offended, nothing will be left but an empty shell.

It's a difficult thing, to open ourselves to others. But life as humans living in a society, we find won't be as fulfilling if it were to be lived in solitary confinement, not in the legal sense of the term, but in a metaphorical sense. If we live secluded from the world, like a hermit, I don't think we'll be able to enjoy life as it was meant to be lived. Because humans seek companionship. We seek community and connections with others. That's just how we were designed. No matter how much we try to hide or bury the feeling of loneliness or longing, if we are truly honest with ourselves, we'd much rather live with other people around us than live in solitude.

As an introvert, I think people have this notion that we're loners or that we despise other humans. One common description that people throw callously is "antisocial". But introverts aren't antisocial, if you look at the clinical definition of the word. Introverts merely get exhausted or drained easily in social contexts that involve large groups. I think that even socializing in smaller groups or one-on-one would still drain our energy. Because the way introverts recharge their social battery is through alone time, or being in a space where there is no pressure to use your energy for the benefit of others.

I do think that introverts are more sensitive to other people than what most people might think. Introverts are generally observant, so they understand nuances in social situations. Sometimes, however, we just prefer not to act on what we observe. Perhaps that may be the case. But I think that one of the reasons why we prefer recharging alone is because we get to be ourselves and not be judged by the people around us, doing what we want to do.

One may say that thinking of it that way is a self-centered or self-absorbed, but that's only from the perspective of someone who doesn't understand introverts' thought process or emotional disposition. There is a part of introverts that's actually selfless or magnanimous, because we're considerate of others and of the social situation we find ourselves in. There's also the point that certain social situations just cause too much stress or burden on the introvert, so that's why prefer to pull away after some period of time immersed in that situation.

In any case, we don't dislike socializing with people. It just drains our batteries far faster than spending some time alone, reading a book or listening to music. But we do open ourselves to people. Not to everyone, mostly to people we find who have the same wavelength as we do. Or those who are kindred spirits. Or just people with whom we are comfortable. Of course, extroverts also find moments when they open up to people, have heart-to-heart talks, or one-on-one conversations about personal matters. It's not a matter of how we gain energy. I just wanted to dispel the notion that introverts are antisocial and they don't like other people. We do.

Now, onto the topic of being vulnerable with someone else. Everybody wants to find a sense of belonging and connection with others. As I said, that's just how humans were created. God created Eve because Adam was lonely. God saw that humans needed connection, and affinity to someone they can relate with. The relationship between God and Adam was of creator and creature, and the relationship between Adam and the rest of creation was steward and resources. But there was no equal for Adam. And so God created Eve to be his partner in life.

So, we all seek intimacy and we all want to be vulnerable with other people. But it's quite scary. Opening ourselves up to others means we give them the opportunity to hurt us. Since they know the inmost parts of our being, they can use that against us. And I guess that's what scares people. That's why we build walls around us. That's why distance ourselves from people. Because we don't want to be hurt as much as we don't want to hurt them.

The thing is, if we stay in that bubble and continue to avoid having deep, meaningful relationships with others, then we're missing the point of living as humans in a society. We can't find fulfillment in self. Purpose, meaning, fulfillment, satisfaction cannot be found within the self. It's always an external pursuit. That's why, for example, in the Christian life, the meaning and the value that we seek is found in a fruitful relationship with God, through Jesus Christ. We cannot attain that sense of fulfillment just by turning inwards. In the same way, we cannot find fulfillment in our existence as a human being simply by living a solitary life. Other people give our lives color, and it's more fulfilling to achieve goals when you're able to share it with others, especially when you're able to share success with them.

So, look for that. Look for meaning and fulfillment in life by finding people with whom you can share your life - your struggles, your burdens, your success, your failures, your victories, your sorrows, your joys - because in that, you'll have a more enriching and edifying life.