Should Parents Discipline Their Children by Spanking?

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Disciplining a child has become less popular especially for the Gen Zs. Despite corporal punishment being legal in all states in the US, according to this article, it seems that the practice has seen a decline since the 1980s with a survey published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies suggesting that "a majority of children in the US were not subject to corporal punishment in 2014." There have been studies which asserted that corporal punishment may harm a child's development and cause decreased cognitive ability. Others point out that corporal punishment can inflict mental distress and emotional trauma on children which can affect their psyche. So, the question then is, "Should parents discipline their children by spanking?".

I'm not a child psychologist, a pediatrician, a lawmaker, or a parent. But as someone who experienced receiving corporal punishment as a child, I will try to weigh in on the issue given how I turned out from my upbringing. The only recollection I have of being spanked by my parents was when I was 4 or 5 years old, and I had obviously done something wrong, what it was that I did or whether it was intentional or not, I cannot remember. But I remember the feeling of knowing what was coming next.

It was only one time. My parents never had to spank me again because the pain that I felt stuck with me. I didn't want to experience that pain again, so it was easier for my parents to discipline me in future instances. They did not need to remind me or even show me the stick. One look or one word was all it took. That was when I was a child. Later on, I discovered that I can push the envelope a bit and there were moments when I walked the fine line between my parents disciplining me and getting away unscathed.

I think it was easier for them to teach me proper etiquette, human decency and courtesy, and other moral and ethical concepts because of that one instance of parental discipline. It was easier for me to accept because I knew what I did was wrong, and I also knew that there were consequences for doing things that are wrong. So, at the very least, for very obvious cases of wrongdoing, it was easier for me to understand that they should not be done, no matter what the circumstances may be. I became more aware and more cautious about venturing into unknown territory. For most of my childhood and early adolescence, I would say I was protected from doing what's wrong.

Of course, there also came a point when I entered a rebellious phase. But even that period was short-lived, oddly enough. I think that period lasted at most two years right before I entered university. And I would credit that to being disciplined when I was a child.

Many parents would probably eschew corporal punishment or spanking their children. Even I think that the rod should only be used in clearly intentional and severe cases of wrongdoing. Violence or causing harm upon others is one such case. In all other cases, I believe a proper conversation with the child is appropriate. Only in cases when children disobey their parents several times and are becoming rotten should one consider pulling out the spanking paddle.

However, I also think that corporal punishment only works on children below 6 years of age. Once they are at school age, it will be difficult to enforce such a practice effectively. This is when other forms of discipline might be necessary such as removing certain privilege i.e. the ability to freely go out of the house or use their gadgets. Having a mature discussion with them and treating them the way you would treat adults is another possible way of getting through to them. Being reasonable with discipline is key for it to be effective.

To answer the question: yes, I think parents should discipline their children. The Bible does say that if you spare the rod, you will spoil the child. It's not necessarily a prescriptive rule, rather it is more of a descriptive statement. That is to say, parents who do not disciple their children especially when the children are throwing tantrums to have their way, then those children will grow up entitled spoiled brats. It will be harder for them to properly integrate into society and live as decent human beings because they grew accustomed to getting what they want just by simply whining about it. In other words, using today's language, they grow up to be Karens.

However, I don't want to go to the other extreme and just go ham with hitting children for doing the slightest thing that irks you. Corporal punishment or spanking is effective only if it is reasonable. I like the way that John Piper explained it by using his experience with his child when they were young as an example. He talked to them in private about what they did wrong, explained to them why it was wrong, and then proceeded to mete out the punishment on them. After he spanked them, they went back to how things were before the wrongdoing was committed. There were no lingering negative feelings over it, and he never held it against them.

I think we can learn from those kinds of examples. God disciplined His people as well. He didn't do it because He wanted to inflict pain on them. He did it because He wanted to protect them and prevent them from going overboard. It was out of love that God disciplined His people time and again. He never revoked His blessings or promises to them just because they disobeyed several times. In fact, He kept His promises even through their rebellion. However, after they had repented and returned to Him, He welcomed them with open arms. That's parental discipline.

One thing to note as well, parents should not hit their children anywhere else in their body except for their bottom. Furthermore, one firm hit should be enough. Do not take out all your other frustrations on your child because that would only exasperate them, and they might harbor resentment toward you. Discipline is necessary for anyone. It just has to be the right kind of discipline.