Forgetting and Letting Go: How to Move On

The new year has come, 2016 has passed but I have experienced moments when the nostalgia brings back memories from the past which I would want to return to and experience all over again. Of course, the problem with that is we cannot go back in time and even if we were able to, it may not necessarily be the same and eventually, we would want to move on with our lives. But there is some value to reminiscing about the past because it would show us where we have been, how we have grown, and where we would go. It can make us happy when we think about the good times we've had and it could also make us tear up because we can't go back. However, we don't really have much to fret because most of our memories are stored at the back of our minds which we can retrieve during moments when we feel wistful and these experiences have also become part of ourselves through the way they changed our lives. What if, however, we begin to lose our grasp on these memories as we will inevitably do later in our lives? And this has preoccupied me during the past few weeks.

When you let go of something, you don't necessarily forget it. You are simply choosing to put it where it belongs - in the past - and move on with your life. It's a choice we make so that nothing would hold us back in the decisions that we will make in the future. No excess, emotional or psychological baggage so to speak. But this doesn't mean that you will forget about it. For instance, when you break up with someone, you don't usually forget about them because it is difficult to do since they've been in your life for so long and the memory of them has been deeply entrenched in your psyche. In this case, letting go is severing the deep emotional connection that you've had with that person and that includes removing anything that reminds you of that person. Then you try to focus on other things to help you find yourself again and get back on your feet. Your heart and your mind need time to process everything and slowly find balance.

On the other hand, the primary internal tension I have had recently is about forgetting. When you forget something, you may not actually be ready to let it go. I have read and watched a lot of works depicting the loss of someone's memory and all of these evoked a feeling of sorrow. And it should break our hearts when people whom we've known for all our lives, like our parents, would start to forget our names and our faces. Though they are physically with us, it doesn't feel the same because they no longer have the faculties to recognize us and the sense of familiarity of experiences and connections slowly fades away. I can understand how it's so frustrating for people who are unable to retrieve pieces of the past because it feels as if you're becoming detached from things that you've known and it can be scary to wake up one morning and find yourself not remembering or recalling anything about yourself and everything around you, wondering what's going on.

I have never been a person who has had trouble with letting go of things in the past - mistakes, failures, rejections - all of these things I have been able to take in stride because I know I can learn from them and to move forward because I know that life is too short to wallow in events that have already happened since we cannot go back in time to mend or alter our actions. Recently, however, I have found myself becoming frustrated when I have lapses in recalling certain thoughts or moments that I have had especially those that I forget after a few seconds that they came to mind and I cannot seem to let go of the fact that they have probably been forgotten and will no longer come back to memory.

In contemplating about this, I realize that the reason for my frustration is two-fold: I have a very strong sentimentality and forgetting about something feels like I'm losing control over myself. Our memories are part of who we are and we refer to them like a trail showing us where we have been and where we want to go so when I forget certain memories I feel like I've lost something precious to me and that I may not get it back because it's not necessarily something tangible like your computer history or data storage which you can see and skim through. Ultimately, it depends on us which memories are stored in our minds and which ones we let go based on their value for us but sometimes, retrieving the information from our minds can take a while or even longer and that's frustrating for me because I feel like I'm losing my grip on my thoughts and memories if that makes any sense at all.

Though things of the past don't go away forever no matter how much we try to push them away, they still linger and in rare occasions, we may find them again as if we were friends who have been long separated from each other only that we may no longer be the same and we may have no need for it at the moment.

So how do I move on from this? One of the things that I have been doing frequently now is taking down lists and notes about everything I would consider important to remember as a means of a backup. It's ironic because when we think of moving on, as I have already talked about, it usually involves severing ties and not keeping any mementos but in my case, I want something to refer to when my memory fails me. But I also find solace in the fact that someday all of these things will come to pass, they will fade away, and only few things will remain. This is comforting for me because I don't really have to worry about losing anything that is of ultimate value. If I do forget, it would be difficult to process and deal with but I just have to accept that it is part of life and that there's no point in trying to get it back because I would just be wasting my time on petty things where there are more urgent things that need my attention.

What's my take away from all this? There are several ways to move on from different circumstances. If you want to move on from someone, distance yourself from them. If you want to move on from your pain or suffering or grief, accept what's happening to you and let yourself feel it and go through the whole process. If you want to move on from forgetting about something, accept the fact that there are other things that you can cherish and put your attention to. It would also be helpful if you can have someone to go through the process with because they can provide the support that you need to make it through. In the end, we won't be able to move on if we're not wholeheartedly set out to do it and if we don't do anything to deal with it. You can take your time to move on and as you do, you can create new experiences. It's a new year and there are a lot more opportunities and moments waiting to be had.