My Random Bouts of Nostalgia

Photo by Warren Wong on Unsplash

Nostalgia. It’s that sudden wave of emotions that fills you when you think about the past, from experiences and memories that usually make you feel a tinge of sadness.

I’ve found out that I’m quite a nostalgic person.

Sentimentality just comes naturally to me somewhat. This is probably because I’m often in deep thought – thinking or contemplating about various things when I’ve got nothing else to do. I’m accustomed to just being alone in my thoughts as I try to make sense of the things I see happening around me.

Sometimes, these moments of nostalgia can make me feel melancholic. It’s no big deal for me though. I’ve gotten used to such episodes so it doesn’t adversely affect me. However, when I do get lost in my thoughts and feelings, sometimes it takes a while to come back from them and move forward.

At times, I could get hung up with a certain thought or feeling and I feel off. I feel like I’m out of balance. Or like I’m having a momentary lapse as if experiencing a small existential crisis. Thankfully, the mundane things of life pull me back to reality. Focusing on the tasks I need to do or having small talk with people around me. These give me a sense of solid ground. That’s why I sometimes randomly chat with people who I haven’t talked to for quite some time.

Stories can also trigger my nostalgia.

I remember about two years ago, I read some incredibly sad stories. There was one that was truly tragic and it took me a while before I could move on from it. I remember bawling late at night or when I'm alone. The other stories had uplifting endings but the journey to get there had some very depressing moments. I think they intensified my sentimentality. Since then, I’ve been more attuned with my emotional side and more inclined to experience emotional episodes.

I think that was when I began to feel others’ pain a bit more. When we empathize with other people, it becomes easier to connect with them. Understanding that joy can only become sweeter after knowing sorrow. Pleasure only feels good because we understand pain. Love, whether it be romantic, filial, brotherly or friendly, will only make sense because we experience loss.

And on that note, I think that’s why agape love is the highest form of love. It’s that kind of love that goes beyond reason. Agape readily takes on pain for the sake of others even at the cost of one’s life. Especially when those you are trying to love don’t even love you back or more than that, they hate you.

Life as we know it is full of wonder. We experience both good and bad, all of us. There are moments of rejoicing, of indescribable happiness. But on the flip side, maybe just right at the bend on the road, there await moments of inscrutable pain and agony.

Even God gets hurt.

He created us in His image and likeness which means He gave us intellect, emotions, and our own will. He experiences pain and grief just as we do. When God saw how the earth became corrupted because of man’s violence, He was grieved and decided to wipe out his creation with a big flood.

Christ suffered as He was tortured and nailed on the cross. He wept when He saw people mourning for Lazarus. God also burned with anger when His people worshiped false gods and idols. He was deeply hurt that His own people chose to worship gods of stone or wood instead of the living God who protected and provided for them.

More than that, even though it was not described in the Bible I think God probably smiled and laughed as well.

So I’ve come to realize the beauty of life and how God filled our lives with color.

I’ve always thought about what life would have been if God had stopped Adam and Eve from sinning. We would all probably still be in the Garden of Eden. But Christ wouldn’t have had to die on the cross. We wouldn’t know what salvation or sacrifice is. There would be no concept of redemption. We won’t be able to sing the song that angels cannot sing.

It’s hard having to go through pain though, especially the pain of losing the ones you love. But I think it’s better than feeling nothing at all. You would know how deep and meaningful the bond you had with others was when you lose it.

So they say you wouldn’t know the value of something unless it has been taken from you. Or that it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. And I think these sayings bear truth in them.

Pain and joy are both part of the human experience. These are what help us understand one another. I believe I’ve come to understand a little of what it means to live life and to live it with others. Whenever I go through some nostalgic moments, I still feel quite sad though. But it’s all part of life. We just have to learn from them and grow and move on.

So these are some of the things I ponder about in my bouts of nostalgia.